You Are Perfect

You Are Perfect.
One of my patients asked for an upbeat article for Christmas.  I figured what could be more upbeat than to communicate just how perfect each and every one of you are.  Many of you have heard me say this in the past, but rarely do I have the chance to explain how this is true.  To me it is obvious, but to show you why, I have to show you how it does not seem true to you.  Time for a bit of my observation on how life works just like the body.
To understand this let’s use a picture analogy.  Imagine a long teeter-totter.  You are sitting on one side and somebody else is sitting on the other.  Balanced right in the center is a big bag of candy.  Both of you are hungry for the candy.  The objective is to play on the teeter-totter and also get some candy.  As you know, for a teeter-totter to work both of you have to balance each other so you can have the fun of going up and down.
Now for the fun part… if you decide you don’t like the other person and slide yourself way back on the teeter-totter you cause them to go up in the air and you go down into the ground.  Here you have managed to refuse to play with them (the up and down play stops), but you have also pushed yourself away from the candy.
   If you decide to go for the candy and slide forward then the other person drops to the ground and again the playing stops.  That person is stuck on the ground having no fun and getting no candy.  In either retaliation or boredom they decide to step off the teeter-totter and go play somewhere else.  You now crash down, roll over backwards and hit your head while spilling and losing all the candy.  So that didn’t work.
 If you both don’t like each other but your mom’s said you had to play, you both might move to the ends of the teeter-totter.  There is balance here although the ride is a bit wild with such big swings up and down.  Unfortunately neither of you can reach any candy.
  If both of you aggressively get on the teeter-totter determined to get the candy and the heck with playing then both of you slide up as close to the candy as possible.  Now however, you are both face-to-face and you start fighting over the candy.  Punching and hitting and defending yourselves actually gives you no opportunity to eat and enjoy any of the candy.  Huh, still not working.
There are a thousand variations of positions on the teeter-totter, but there is only one that works.  Both of you have to slide forward just far enough to reach into the bag of candy to get a piece, but not far enough to be in the other person’s space where you could fight or compete with each other.  In this place you are far enough back to be able to enjoy each others company and both have fun tottering back and forth while sharing the candy.
This process of finding the right balance in relationship is the same process I described in the last newsletter as how the body stays healthy.  It is called homeostasis.  In human relationships it is called win-win.
 Each of us has a feeling blueprint inside of us that knows when we are in balance with life, just as we have zillions of internal feedback signals that control that internal homeostasis balance.  The blueprint for perfect health and a perfect life is within us.  It communicates with us through our here-and-now feelings (the ones we usually ignore). (It is not our emotions, which are about our past.)  This perfection lies within our genetic potential, and our spiritual heritage.  It is who we are designed to be.  It is who we are becoming.
When a mother gives birth to here baby she may have visions of here baby becoming a doctor or lawyer or some great person.  Does that mother feel her child is damaged or broken because it is not a doctor or lawyer of great and powerful person while lying there in diapers?  Of course not; at that moment that baby is all un-manifested potential.  Every area of our lives where we have not figured out how to find that perfect balance on the teeter-totters of life are areas where we are still un-manifested potential.
Paying attention to your feelings is the key to unfolding your potential to manifest the perfect you in your perfect life.  This does not mean what you probably think it means.  Feelings are visceral internal sensations that tell you how you are doing.  They are like the dashboard dials and lights in your car.  They tell you whether you are running too hot, are running out of gas, or if you are traveling within the speed limit.  Feelings do not have any stories attached to them.  They do not have any history to them.  They are not about anything other than your internal sense of balance and happiness with life.  Psychiatrists and counselors deal with the play of emotions, which come up when our interactions with life are not working.  Emotions are about the story of what has gone wrong (or right) in our interactions.  What we really need to know is did our interaction leave us feeling balanced and good or not.  If yes, then we are on the right track, if not then we need to do and be something else (pick a different position on the teeter-totter).  We end up having to go to a counselor when we are too stubborn to move and think that it is the “the other person” that needs to be different.
There are 70 primary energetic relationships in life…70 teeter-totters for us to learn how to find that perfect balance where we can play and reach into the bag of sweetness of life.  We are like a child’s 70-piece puzzle waiting to be put together so that we can discover who we really are.  Our picture is not finished yet, as all the pieces are not in place.  We have the blueprint within us.  We feel when that balance is happening.  We feel when we are able to reach the sweetness of life.  We even have a good idea of what “the other person” looks like when we are in a balanced play on that teeter-totter of life.  Unfortunately we can’t see ourselves objectively.  We have to depend on feedback from others.
Our feeling self is the guide, as that is the part of us that can read the blueprint.  Our head/action self is the part that has to do the actual building based on the blueprint.  Our head/ego directs us to try different positions (attitudes, beliefs, values) and actions (interaction skills) until we figure out where the balance point is on each of the 70 teeter-totters.  Our feelings have to guide us but our actions are required to actually take us there.
You are perfect.  I am perfect.  We are like that baby – full of potential.  We can feel our way to full shining perfection.  We are simply not finished yet.