Ellen and I start making Christmas presents in July. We figure out a theme and start gathering the elements needed to create our gifts for the upcoming holiday season. We need this much lead time because we usually end up making around 45 to 50 presents. I appreciate that this is insane, but we enjoy doing this each year.
This year, what with all the craziness, we wanted to do something that would uplift our friends and family. As we were discussing what that might look like, I got the idea that what would really help everyone is if we could counter-balance all the negativity. In spite of all the unfortunate things that have happened this year, the number one source of negativity in our lives is from ourselves. We berate and beat ourselves up constantly. We have this inner critic that is relentless. How it got there is a subject for another writing, but it is there judging us every minute of every day. No one outside us sees us as failing to meet standards as we do. In fact most of the time other people think we are just fine, and sometimes think we actually do a really good job. There is clearly a disconnect between how we think about ourselves and our actual performance. Probably this is because we have some silly belief that if we really were good then everyone would see we were right and we would get our way and they would be our way. That is clearly not happening, so we must be failing somewhere.Well, I figured that what we need is something to balance the scale a bit. We are always trying to do our best and often we do a good job. Maybe doing a good job is enough. Sure, we would like to get our way and have everyone be our way, but they are all too busy being their own way and really are not
interested in what we want. That does not mean that we have not done a good job. Our performance is still excellent even if we don’t get the payoff we would like. Instead of ignoring the good job we are doing, I am suggesting that we pay attention to all these good things ourselves. Let’s write them down each day. Take a couple of minutes at the end of the day and make a note of what you did well during the day. I am talking five minutes tops. We have the time – especially these days.
We chronically under appreciate ourselves and chronically over criticize ourselves. This produces chronic stress. We can turn this all-around simply by appreciating ourselves more. These would be great “words to live by” – you know, the kind everybody says but no one does. Those are not useful. To actually be useful, you have to actually do something to directly acknowledge yourself. Making a quick note in a journal does that. By willingly engaging in this simple activity you will find yourself looking for the good about yourself during the day so you will have something to write down in your journal. That stance turns everything around. When you look for your excellence regularly you feel better about yourself. As you feel better about yourself you reduce inflammation in your body and improve both your memory and thinking ability. You literally become better just by looking for and acknowledging the good job you do with life.
I am not saying that you are not going to wish that some days never happened. And none of us are amazing all the time. That is okay. We are enough right now. If we weren’t we would not have gotten this far. Life is a mixed bag, and we are not in control no matter how much we want to be. Our greatest impact is on the space between our ears. But even there is a war between our efforts to do well and our temperamental thoughts and emotions that have us reacting to things. That is just how we are. Everyone is this way inside. Some folks are good at suppressing self-awareness of these inner conflicts, but that does not make them go away. We need to balance them with solid evidence-based appreciation for ourselves. A journal is that evidence. If you have had a bad day, pull out your journal, and review a couple of pages of your successes. We lose sight of the big picture when we are self-judging and feeling bad or suppressing our feelings. A little perspective based on past successes will ease the stress and settle the digestion.
So that was where we went for Christmas presents. I figure these will help us build 2021 into a whole different picture than the one we saw in 2020. Ellen designed the organza bag presentation, printed up gold enclosed letters, and made the tags and I came up with the gold lettering on the front of the journals. Last year was our cans of homemade sugar-free coconut milk hot chocolate mix. That was just fun, but this year needed something a little more uplifting. I had a few to bring to the office to sell as presents, but one of Ellen’s clients loved them so much she bought all of them. Over Christmas weekend I made 20 more for the office as New Years presents for starting the New Year off on the right foot.
2021 is just a few days away now. In some ways it feels like 2020 never happened. It is kind of the lost year. I assume the universe is testing our mettle with all this lockdown and what not. Our job is to just keep doing the best we can. The need to adapt to change is the one constant we can always count on. Let’s make some really positive adaptations in this coming year.
Take care,
David