Last week one of my patients sent me an article on the causes of depression and the unexpected solutions. This information came from a new book called Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:
The book was written by Johann Hari after she spent 3 years of researching and interviewing over 200 social scientists and psychologists on the subject of the causes of depression. All that work resulted in a very simple set of observations about the root causes of depression. Naturally I liked it because it expanded on three principles I have taught and written about for years. Funny how we like things that affirm what we already believe.
The article starts out with the observation that over 20% of the US population is on some form of antidepressant medication. To that number I have added an unknown percentage of people who are using sugar, alcohol, and other drugs as a form of self medication for depression. The idea that depression is somehow related to genetics is obviously wrong, as genetic changes do not happen this fast. The disrupted brain chemistry hypothesis that pharmaceutical companies promote, so they can make billions selling meds, also misses the mark as there is no identifiable cause for this sudden brain chemistry disruption that affects only some people and not everyone. I could make a case for sugar metabolism and other food toxins as a likely cause as these have overwhelmed us just in the last 60 years or so. But the single biggest cause iswhat this author was writing about – disconnection. We are depressed because we have lost touch with what is actually important in life – our connections – or put in really simple language, loneliness.
One great example used in the article was the observation that 30 years ago the average American reported having 3 really close friends. Since 2004 that number has dropped to 0 close friends reported by the average American. That is really sad and points out just how separate we have become. Our social digital media has made us appear to have lots of connection, but as a recent study demonstrated, the more social digital media a person uses, the more lonely and depressed they become. There is something like a vital nutritional need we humans have for face to face communication. Digital connection fails to meet that need. We have to share some sort of commonality with others and an have active participation that creates a reciprocal benefit.
The author goes on to write about three essential connections that were revealed in the 200 interviews which I have described simply as self to self, self to loved ones, and self to world/what is. I touched on the self to loved ones with the information on the lack of friends we have today. Loneliness is an actual physical stressor. It sends your stress hormones soaring just as much as a fight or flight situation. We need to participate with others in meaningful ways. That meaning might be just to have fun, or it might be in service work or in building towards a common goal. As humans we are designed to work together. We are not designed to do it all by ourselves. Growing up is a group process.
In the section on the self to self connection, the author writes about intrinsic values where you do things because you love it versus extrinsic values where you chase things that are for external approval, like money or status. The reality is that those that chase extrinsic things are more anxious and depressed. The perfect example of this that always blew me away was the research on lottery winners and their happiness. In every case of a lottery win, the people’s self perceived and measured levels of happiness only increased for two weeks. They may have won 100
million dollars, but they were only happy about it for 2 weeks. After that their happiness either returned to what it was before the win or actually got lower. Another example – trust fund babies – as a group they are almost universally depressed and generally very unhappy. Why would this be? They have everything anyone could ever want. How could they possibly be unhappy?
The answer is quite simple. We are creative problem-solving beings. An essential part of our happiness is our ability to overcome obstacles and challenges. This is what builds our self esteem and our sense of worth. If circumstances or others solve our obstacles for us, we don’t have any reason to feel good about ourselves. The studies quoted in the article say that huge numbers of studies have all shown the same result: The more materialistic and extrinsically motivated you are, the more depressed you will be. No matter how much you believe the new house, new car, new job, or new mate will make you happy, they won’t. Just the opposite happens. You can’t fill your insides with things from the outside.
In the third primary relationship, which I have always called self to others/what is, the author focuses on our relationship to nature. Numerous interesting observations were made about the levels of depression humans experience when they are deprived of a connection to nature. Something as simple as a city park with trees and grass decreases the levels of depression in the residents around the park compared to folks living without any contact with nature. Another example is seen in how the benefits of exercise are greatly increased when that exercise is performed in nature compared to a gym setting. We need connection to the bigger world. For me this is a smaller piece of our greater need to be connected to a reality that is larger than ourselves. For many this means a spiritual connection to something greater than themselves. For others it is caring about problems that are bigger than your own personal concerns – like caring about the environment, or world peace, or some need of the community. When we work towards goals that benefit the greater good and give us a chance to give our love to those that may never know of our participation, we gain peace and ease and a deep sense of connection in and to the world at large. Those feelings are the remedy to things like depression as depression is really just having nothing to care about.
Depression is not about being sad or unhappy that you are not getting your way. Depression is a lack of feeling. The just of this article is that depression is specifically a lack of feeling connection to what really matters – ourselves, our loved ones, and the world at large. So how do you achieve happiness? Happiness comes from caring about and supporting ourselves, others, and life. Happiness does not come from what you get. It comes from what you give.